In her own words, Phenny Awiti told her touching story.
When I took a break from social media, I truly needed to focus on myself and raising my kids, and of course, settling down.
It was beautiful, I loved every bit of the process, even though it came with it’s fair of challenges.
However, I ignored so many signs when I was in my relationship. It was full of the ups and downs, just like any other.
Whatever you guys were seeing here, from the evidence of those gossip groups, were just a TIP of an iceberg.
And…how I wish, those were my only problems. Our problems escalated, everything blew out of control, it became so toxic, I strived and wished I could make it work.
On the other hand, social Media was on a frenzy, with so many behind the scenes stories being out there. Admittedly, some of them were true, some were not, but these were not my problems at this time, and how I wish they were!
I fought battles with some of you off social media from a heart to heart phone conversations “leave my relationship alone.” I blamed people for my choices.
Again, I am not here to explain how it never worked out, but I am here to clear the air, I am glad it never did!
We were both in a very toxic place, the relationship equally brought out a toxic side of me. I was bitter, I desperately needed for that to work out, actually, I was in the “ntaambia nini watu” corner.
Anyway, while I was being bullied online, I was battling emotional and physical abuse offline. I was battling seeking a safer haven for me and my kids in a foreign land, I was battling custody of my kids and the risk of loosing them.
I was battling the court orders, I was battling staying and keeping sane. It became so lonely, so hard, so stressful, so confusing, so regretful, and most of all, I felt like I lost the battles.
Even though we are in a better place in terms of co-parenting, it took us alot to get here, and it took me so much to finally get myself back.
When you are going through issues alone, no family, no friends, no support system, the only battle and pride you have is to challenge your inner strength and focus on being sane.
My mental health was crushed, I do not know how I never ended in a psychiatric ward, I was done, it was worse. Alot of these had to do with gaslighting and blackmail. I cannot count the number of times I was asked to leave Germany and go back to Kenya because I asked about dating sites, or why it never worked.
I had to work on myself for three and a half years, I moved from having a thicker skin to feeling numb, I tell my small circle that I am skinless, I feel nothing, I don’t care about what people say, I completed the crush course of abuse, and graduated with a PHD in emotional intelligence, understanding, protecting my mental health, and most of all, being peaceful at heart and giving a zero concern about people’s opinions.
Now, this has absolutely nothing to do with sides of a story, this is my reality and my story, and like I would say before, embrace and tell your story, because when you are no more, people will find ways of manipulating lies for their own relevance.
I am at a very good place emotionally, mentally, psychologically and most of all, much more aware of so many things.
If it wasn’t for the systems here, and how they help and protect women and children effectively and efficiently, I wouldn’t be where I am right now. Emotional abuse turns you into it’s “small God” and you become very vulnerable, restless, desperate, doubtful and most of all, lonely with zero confidence.
I am GRATEFUL 🙏.
Signed,
Phenny Awiti .